How To Properly Open A Coconut In Five Easy Steps (As Taught To Me By My Mother).

Step Juan: Acquire coconut and cleaver.

Step Two: Firmly grasp coconut in your hand. 

Step Three: Hit the coconut with the cleaver until the coconut succumbs to its fate and splits into multiple pieces. 

Step Four: Remove the weird hairy stuff from the coconut flesh.

Step Five: Enjoy your fresh coconut. 

This is also highly effective method for waking sleeping family members.