For Sale: Multi Function Mouse Pad

Have you ever looked at your boring mouse pad and wished that it was a little more exciting? 

If you're looking for a mouse pad that's not JUST a mouse pad, look no further!

This multi function mouse pad does it all!

An alarm clock, calendar, and a PEN HOLDER?! 

For just 999.90 this mouse pad could be yours!

Disclaimer: Mouse pad semi-functional. 

       Batteries not included. 

Sandstorms And Car Troubles (An Unfortunate Combination)

The night before the storm was calm and pleasant. It was cool and there was a nice breeze that prompted unwary citizens across the country to leave there windows open overnight. No one suspected what the oh so delightful breeze would bring in.

We awoke to dark and oddly colored skies. It almost looked like it should be cold and rainy but that could not be farther from the truth. Those unfortunate enough to venture outside were accosted by a wall of dust as it hung thickly in the air.

Holidays were just around the corner and there were things to do. After all, groceries won't by themselves!

Luckily for us, we had a car. Had being the keyword here. You see, in the weeks leading up to this point the car had began to get a little finicky. The gas gauge was misleading at best and the AC only worked if the car was moving at a decent speed. The car had also taken to overheating every now and then which wasn't entirely convenient if you were actually trying to get somewhere.

All of these things in mind, The Mad Man decided that it might be time to take the car in to get looked at. He very carefully drove the car over to the garage early in the morning and left it in their capable hands expecting to pick it up later that day.

Grocery shopping plans on hold, we anxiously awaited for news on our car. As the sun presumably began to set in the sky (it was hard to see the sun through the inordinate amount of dust) we grew worried that the garage hadn't called.

It turned out our car was in worse shape than we thought and to fix it, it would need a new part that was currently not in stock. From the look of things, it would be a while before we would be reunited with our dearly beloved van.

The fact that our car was out of order did nothing to stop the holidays from approaching. The Crazy Lady had a plan and not even an unexpected sandstorm or finicky car would stand in her way. Armed with excel spreadsheets and years of experience, she braved the storm and raided the grocery stores with expert precision.

Walking through the storm to the grocery stores was unpleasant. The humidity made the dusty air heavy and oppressive. We braved on despite the unwanted weather and made our way through The Crazy Lady's shopping lists.

Groceries in hand, preparations flew by in a flurry of flour and baked goods as delicacy after delicacy were churned out of the kitchen. The Crazy Lady cooked and baked her way through her menu plans while I stood around pretending to be helpful.

I found the mini donut pans and made loads of teeny tiny donuts, some of which even made it into the freezer to be served over the holidays.

Amidst the craziness, the family gathered to welcome in the new year. After a few days of the horrid weather, the sand and humidity began to clear up leaving behind a scorching sun and semi-clear skies.

Rosh Hashana was filled with apple challah's, lots of honey and my crazy but mostly loveable fambily.

We continued the festivities with a birthday dinner for my Safta on Thursday night. It was a fancy event with plenty of champagne to go around.

Now everyone is getting ready for Yom Kippur and then its onwards to Sukkot.

I hope everyone is having a sweet new year and a gmar chatima tova!

Birthday Cakes And Reflections

Twenty one was a pretty good year.

It was a year full of new people, places and adventures. Wars were waged against unsuspecting enemies (mainly insects) and fears were conquered.

Blogging isn't always easy and sometimes it feels like a bit of a chore but I'm glad that I have the memories there to look back on. I hope you all enjoy reading them as much as I do. 

Here's to another year of making memories.

Thanks to all of the wonderful people in my life that make every day a new adventure and put up with me and my shenanigans.

You guys are pretty great.

Chez Danziger

While we were staying in New Jersey we stayed at a luxury resort called "Chez Danziger".

The resort is situated on lovely grounds with many trees and flowers in the gardens. There is an outdoor pool and you can bird watch through the dining area while eating breakfast. 

Rooms were a nice size and had very comfortable beds. 

The staff was very efficient and accommodating. 

Each morning there was a breakfast buffet with fresh coffee, fruits and yogurt. The fruit was delicious but I would recommend avoiding the pineapple and possibly the blueberries. You should probably just ship them to Israel (please see shipping info below)....  

They also have two highly trained peanut butter sniffing dogs so if you're not big on sharing, I would recommend not opening any jars of peanut butter during your stay.

Overall, I would give it a 5/5 star rating. 

Good food, great company. 

Would love to stay again sometime soon.

The Mad Mans Old Stomping Grounds And Manhattan

The Mad Man took us into Brooklyn to spend the day with Grandpa Jordan and show us around his old stomping grounds. We got a tour of the 2 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment that he and his three siblings grew up in and were regaled with tales of his youth.

When the grand tour of the apartment was over and we had finished our brunch of bagels and lox, we drove to Sheepshead bay.

My father wanted to take us over the bridge that he had crossed on his way to the beach as a kid. As we were walking towards the bridge big gray clouds started rolling in and it began to drizzle.

The light drizzle turned into quite the shower and we ended up heading back to the car for cover. Once we were in the car we headed back to the apartment to hang out for a bit and then on to dinner at an italian bistro on Kings Highway.
 

After dinner we headed back to  the apartment to look through some old family photos and say our final goodbyes.

The next morning we woke up bright and early to head into Manhattan for another adventure. We had lunch at an Indian restaurant with some very close family friends that we hadn't seen in a long time.

After lunch we went to the Museum of Natural History to find some dinosaur bones and watch a movie about the creatures of the deep sea.

We found some dinosaurs

And some distant relatives

We stayed at the museum until closing time and were eventually kicked out by the security guards. After leaving the museum we made our way to our cousins apartment for a delicious deli dinner and to say our goodbyes before returning to our luxury hotel.

The Longwood Gardens

During our stay in Philly we drove out to the Longwood Gardens to visit Pierre du Pont's estate. The estate is about 1,077 acres of meadows, woodlands and houses (including a massive greenhouse that spans 4 acres). 

We walked through the meadows to a small farmhouse at the edge of the fields and saw lots of flowers on the way.

This picture is from about halfway through the meadows. If you look REALLY closely you can almost see the teeny tiny farmhouse in the distance...

After traversing through the fields to the teeny tiny farmhouse we walked around the giant greenhouse full of exotic flowers and plants. 

When we were done smelling the flowers we piled into the car and to our home away from home in Philly to rest our feet and start packing up to head back to NJ the next morning.

Philly In Photos

Philadelphia is a pretty cool city.

Here are some pictures of interesting things that I found while walking around the city...

Pretty pink bike

Cool street art 

Mosaic puppy (by Isiah Zagar) 

On our way to find Penns Landing

The waterfront

The Ben Franklin Bridge

A Rainy Day At The Zoo

We were treated to a VIP visit at the Philadelphia Zoo. The VIP visit included a behind the scenes tour with the big kitties.

The nice kitty lady introduced us to some of the cats and told us all sorts of interesting facts about them!

Jutai the jaguar
Fun Fact: Jaguars have powerful jaws that can easily crush your skull!

Maya the snow leopard
Fun Fact: The snow leopard has the longest tail in proportion to the length of its body out of all kitties.

Dakota the puma/mountain lion
Fun Fact: I don't remember the fun fact that the kitty lady told us... :-|

After visiting the kitties we walked around to meet some of the other animals at the zoo.

Batu the orangutan

Primates

Some time after seeing the monkeys my camera battery died and it started to rain. We sought refuge from the rains in the Avian Center and met some of the birds there.

Ned

All in all it was a pretty awesome day!

From Israel To Rome To Possibly The Worst Traffic In History

Last Monday morning we packed our bags and headed to the airport to fly from Israel to Rome and then on to America.

Waiting at the airport.

The flight to Rome was pretty short and we entertained ourselves with the exceptional in-flight entertainment provided by the airline. 

In-flight entertainment

We landed in Rome, walked out of the airport and found a shuttle to take us to our hotel where we stayed during our 13 hour stop-over to get some shut eye before our early morning flight to JFK. Some of us were feeling a little restless after spending most of the day sitting in the airport and on the plane, so we went exploring.

The Mad Man, Timmy and I took a late night walk down to the beach where we could smell and hear the sea but not actually see anything. We stayed and enjoyed the cool salty breeze for a while before heading back to the hotel to get some rest.

Early Tuesday morning we got up and gathered our things to head back to the airport for flight number two. Having checked our luggage all the way through to our final destination, it didn't take long for us to get ready and we had some time to spare before the shuttle arrived so we walked back down to the beach to get a better look at the sea.

The Crazy Lady and I braved the sand and stuck our feet in the water. There was an older Italian man there that tried to tell us something or other but unfortunately, neither of us know Italian so we're not entirely sure what he was telling us. 

After enjoying the view for a while we headed back to the hotel to get on the shuttle and to the airport. 

It was a long and fairly uneventful flight to JFK. Getting out of the airport went pretty smoothly once we adjusted ourselves to the language. It's been a while since we've been in an English speaking country and it was weird asking for directions in English.

My uncle was waiting for us at the airport. He stowed our luggage in his car and then absconded with us kids, leaving my parents to find their way to the rental car place on their own.  On the way to the car we learned that a dump truck had caught fire under an overpass on the New Jersey Turnpike earlier that day causing some major traffic.

A drive that would normally take an hour and half ended up taking three and a half hours. As we sat in what the news report described as "possibly the worst traffic in history" we caught up on the Danziger's latest news. 

We also got a rundown of who would and wouldn't be at the wedding. As well as some helpful tips and tricks such as, who we should and shouldn't hug and how to differentiate between family members and the waitstaff. 

After the educational drive we arrived at the Danzigers and spent the next few days in NJ. Thursday morning we packed up the car and headed to Philadelphia where the festivities would be taking place on Sunday evening.

The wedding was beautiful and it was great seeing the family. I refrained from hugging the waitstaff so it was a success all around. We're hanging out in Philly until tomorrow morning and then heading back to the Danziger's in NJ.

Herein ends today's update. 

More updates to come. 

Maybe.

Unintentional Controversy

In my last post I told a haphazard tale about an incident that had happened while I was back at university taking exams. After uploading the post to my blog I discovered that I might have gotten some of my facts mixed up.

The blog post in question caused quite a bit of controversy amongst certain family members. In an effort to better understand what really happened, I asked for anyone with information on the subject to step forward and share what they knew.

Here are some of the interviews that took place:

The Crazy Lady-
Me: Good evening, thank you for taking the time to sit with me.
T.C.L: My pleasure.
Me: Can you tell me what you remember from the incident?
T.C.L: I was not in the kitchen when the incident occurred. However, I know that when I looked for the packets I could not find them and I was told that Z had taken them.
Me: Who told you that Z had taken them?
T.C.L: I belive it was Frank. When I confronted Lori (Z's wife) about it she informed me that Z had taken the packets and handed them to her to put in her purse when they left the house. I think I said "Oh" in response and several days later, Lori (unbeknownst to Z) returned the sauce to our house.
Me: Can you clarify what was in the packets?
T.C.L: Yes, they were sweet and sour sauce. They came with a package of egg-rolls that I bought.
Me: Did you eat them?
T.C.L: They are currently residing in a secret place in the household.
ME: Why are they hiding? Do you feel that you have any trauma from the incident?
T.C.L: I have not been traumatized by the incident. To tell you the truth, I prefer duck sauce.
Me: Thank you for your time.

Frank-
Me:Can you tell me where you were when the incident occurred?
Frank: I was in the kitchen with Z.
Me: Do you remember what happened?
Frank: If I remember correctly I was in the kitchen and Z came up to me and asked "What's with the sweet and sour sauce?", I said "I dunno man... My mom is probably saving them for something.". Z said "Oh I'll take them" and I thought he was kidding. I laughed because I thought he was kidding but when they left, the packets were gone.
Me: I see, how has this affected the way that you feel about your brother in-law?
Frank: Z is a nincompoop. He stole the packets. He's a klepto.

Lori (Z's wife)-
Me: Thank you for stepping forward to share your side of the story.
Lori: I'm glad to be able to set the record straight. I apologize for the injustice perpetuated against my own family by my own family. It was a sticky situation.
Me: I have a witness that claims that they heard Z say "Here, take these. Stick them in your bag" and that you complied which makes you an accomplice to the crime.
Lori: I didn't know what I was doing! I asked him where they came from and he was all, "I dunno".
Me: So you were unknowingly an accomplice. When did you realize what was really going on?
Lori: Four days later mommy asked me about the packets and I began to piece things together. I said to myself  "My husband is a klepto!" and I brought them back the next day.
Me: That was very considerate of you, returning the packets.
Lori: I put them back on the counter where they'd started. And when Z walked in from work he noticed them and was like "Hey, Lori, they have more of them!" and I pulled him out of the kitchen.

Z (the alleged duck sauce sweet and sour sauce thief)-
Me: A lot of accusations have been made against you. I would like to hear your side of the story, perhaps we can clear some things up.
Z: I'm happy to share my side of the story. I have nothing to hide.
Me: OK. Let's start off with some of the basics.
Z: I'm not sure why everyone thinks I don't like duck sauce. There wasn't even duck sauce in the packets, it was sweet and sour sauce.
Me: Yes, other witnesses have stepped forward and corrected me. And anyways, Lori told me that you don't like duck sauce.
Z: Lori doesn't like duck sauce. She has no idea if I like it or not because she doesn't even cook with it. There is a lot of misinformation going on here and a lot of slander. I maintain my innocence.
Me: You're right, there is a lot of misinformation. Why don't you tell me why you took the sweet and sour sauce?
Z: Well if everyone is so wrong about me liking duck sauce I think the rest of your story might not be true either. That's logic. And why do I need reasons for anything that I do?
Me: It sounds like your trying to avoid the question....
Z: I'm not on trial. You're the one who is slandering me on your blog.
Me: You're the one that stole the sweet and sour sauce!
Z: Me? Maybe I wanted chinese food with sweet and sour sauce. No one ever considers that.
Me: But it still wasn't yours to take... So the question still remains, why did you take the sauce?
Z: They gave it to me. And then claimed I stole it. Indian givers!
Me: So you deny stealing the sauce?
Z: Sure. Take their side of the story at face value...
Me: I hear your side of the story but I'm a little skeptical. I will take this new information into consideration.

After hearing all sides of the story I'm willing to admit that my original post may have had some inaccuracies.

For instance, the packets in question appear to have contained sweet and sour sauce and not duck sauce.

A minor detail in my humble opinion.

In other news, an anonymous survey has shown that my detective skills are what they call "fairly inadequate".

My colleagues described my techniques as "erratic" and "overall underwhelming".

If you have any mysteries that need solving, I am now available for hire.
Feel free to email me at: themoderatelyadequatedetective@gmail.com .

The Duck Sauce Thief

A couple of days ago I was standing in the kitchen with one of my brothers and my mom. My mom was making some kind of chicken and mentioned that it would go well with duck sauce. My brother made some joke about Z and the disappearing sauce which I thought was kind of strange because as far as I could recall, Z doesn't like duck sauce.

Over the next few days I kept catching little snippets of conversations involving Z and the disappearing duck sauce. My curiosity finally got the best of me and I asked "What's with Z and the duck sauce?!" to which my family replied with a fairly entertaining story...

Apparently a few weeks ago my mother decided to make chinese style food for shabbos. In preparation for the feast my family had procured a couple of packets of duck sauce to have with the meal. The packets of duck sauce sat on display as my family waited in anticipation for the delicious Friday night meal.

The fateful day finally arrived. Emotions ran high as my mother and some of my siblings prepared the feast. In the chaos, they lost sight of the duck sauce packets,

When the time came for everyone to sit down for the meal, they went to get the duck sauce only to find that the packets were gone. Panic broke out as my family members began to search for the missing packets. There was no luck and they were forced to admit defeat. There would be no duck sauce with their chinese food.

A few days after the chinese dinner fiasco, the missing duck sauce packets mysteriously reappeared.

It was later revealed that Z was the duck sauce packet thief.

Apparently he saw the duck sauce packets sitting out on the counter and decided that despite the fact that he didn't particularly like duck sauce, he should take them home. He stuck them into his pocket, unobserved, and made off with his bounty.

Lori later found the packets at her house and asked where and why on earth there were a bunch of duck sauce packets on her counter. Z explained that he had taken them from our house. He claims that we don't eat duck sauce but admits that he doesn't eat it either. His motives remain unclear.

Now might be a good time to point out that this is not the first time that he's taken things from our house without our knowledge. On more than one occasion he has absconded with boxes of our tea. Who know what else he may have taken?

I am forced to admit that he may have a problem.

Perhaps it is time to stage an intervention...

Disclaimer:

I was not present when these events occurred.

Some facts may be inaccurate, embellished or entirely fabricated.

we appreciate your understanding.

Sincerely,

The Management 

A Poem

I found this poem that I wrote in 8th grade while I was clearing old notebooks off of my shelf. I'm pretty sure that the poem was supposed to be about a story that we had read in class (which presumably had nothing to do with feet) but I like my version better.

Looking back, I'm not surprised that my English teacher didn't like me.

My Foots:
My foot is blue and red and yellow,
my foot it also likes to bellow.
My other foot is quite so weird
because you see, it has a beard.

Accidental Racism And The War On Ants

You may remember from earlier posts that my apartment has a tendency to attract ants and some other creepy crawlies. I waged war against the ants and for a while, they stayed away.

Last week I realized that I had a few days between exams and decided to take advantage of the situation to go home and hang out with my family. Before leaving Ariel, I cleaned up my apartment and made sure not to leave anything remotely food related lying about.

Things in The Sun House was pretty much the same as they had been the last time I was home. I played some Xbox with my bros, ate lots of food (mainly ice cream) and just generally tried to avoid studying. It was a great mini-vacation but unfortunately, like all good things, it was forced to come to an end.

Back in Ariel, unbeknownst to me, a truce had been broken.

After a lengthy journey I arrived at my apartment only to find chaos. I looked down at the floor and saw an army of ants marching across the floor. My first instinct was to panic. The second was to throw the nearest object, which happened to be a rather heavy book that I had left on top of my microwave.

The book landed on the floor with a satisfying THUD and caused the oncoming ants to scatter. I took a moment to asses the situation and determined that I was to tired to deal with it. I cleaned up as many ants as I could and went to sleep.

I spent the next day waging war on the ants and trying to ward off their retaliations. Amongst the chaos I forgot to set my alarm before going to bed and woke up a little late for my exam this morning.

While I was rushing to get ready I found what I assumed was a cockroach in my bathroom. Far to stressed to deal with the situation I dropped a container on top of it and ran out to get to my exam on time secretly hoping that it would have suffocated by the time I got back.

The exam went alright but in the back of my mind I kept seeing the creepy crawly trapped in a container in my bathroom. On my way home from the exam I stopped and bought a bottle of spray that supposedly kills ants, cockroaches and other creepy crawlies.

I got home and saw that the roach wasn't moving around much. I poked at the container and couldn't help but notice that the roach didn't really look like a roach and that it was actually just a beetle. Feeling slightly guilty at misjudging the critter based on the color of his shell, I took him outside and set him free in the garden.

After removing the beetle I set about trying to spray my apartment with the bug killing spray that I had just bought. The instructions were a little unclear and when I tried to pull off the tab that said "pull off tab" I somehow manged to get the trigger stuck and gave my cabinet doors and wall a very generous coating of spray.

I finally got the bottle under control and got the spray into what I hope are the right places. The spray left my apartment smelling delightful but a tad suffocating so I opened all the windows and escaped to the gym for a few hours.

So far its been about ten hours and I see no signs of ants. Today has been quite stressful and traumatic but I feel like I handled things pretty well and learned some important lessons.

A Lesson In Vocabulary

Study (verb)
Pronunciation: Pro-cras-ti-nate
Definition: devote time and attention to avoiding acquiring knowledge on an academic subject, especially by means of watching TV.
"She watched an entire season of a new show the night before her big exam"
Synonyms: to delay, avoid, postpone.

Ancient Proverbs

There are some wise words of wisdom that truly inspire me. One of my personal favorites is this bit of advice that I steadfastly adhere to despite the fact that it has failed me time and time again....

"Ignore a problem long enough and it will magically go away."

-Some Really Smart Guy Ancient Proverb 

Lately, things have not been going so well. I'm willing to admit that there is a slim chance that it may or may not be my fault. This semester flew by in a flurry of papers, projects and stress and finals sort of just snuck up on me.

To say that I was unprepared would be quite the understatement. One day I was plodding my way through a pile of never ending projects and the next I was sitting in an exam feeling confused and wondering how I got there.

I had an exam in pathology this afternoon and I think it actually went rather well. I got to the classroom on the earlier side and caught one of the good seats. While I was waiting for the test to begin I talked to some of my classmates and saw that they mainly fell into two categories, "mass hysteria and panic" or "dazed and confused".

Those in the former category were the ones that had actually studied for the test while members of the latter group seemed to have given up and were slightly unaware of their surroundings. One of my classmates confided in me that she was worried about failing the exam because she isn't very good at microbiology. I gave her a pat on the back and tried to look reassuring as I told her that on the bright side, she had a whole week to study for microbiology.

She seemed more perplexed than reassured and I gave her a knowing smile.

Finals are rough and we all have those days.

Equality For Ants.

Ants here, ants there, ants are crawling everywhere!

As of right now, there are at least four different kinds ants in my apartment. Apparently, ants come in all shapes and sizes. I've seen little ants, teeny tiny ants, slightly bigger ants, red ants, black ants...

The really teeny tiny ones might be brown but really, its hard to say.

Everywhere I go, I find ants. Ants at the bus stop, ants at school, ants on a covert mission trying to steal my lunch while I'm sitting on the grass.

I'm not sure what it is about my apartment that draws ants to it. I don't leave any dishes in the sink anymore and all food type stuffs has been locked up and shut away in ziplock bags or airtight containers. But still, they come.

Some mornings I find ants in my sink. The sink is empty but they march about from one side to the other as if on a super important secret mission. Perhaps they are on a secret mission. Maybe my apartment is where they are holding a conference for ant equality.

It's important to treat all ants with the same respect regardless of size or color. That's why I try and remove them from my apartment in the same way, be they big or be they small. Honestly, I'd be delighted if they could resolve their differences and leave my apartment as one big happy family.

I'm all about equality.

Pull The Lever! Wrong Lever!

I've always wanted to be a scientist with a super cool secret laboratory, kind of like Dexter's lab or Yzma's lab from The Emperors New Groove but with less levers. Unfortunately I don't really have the funds for that sort of thing so I've had to make do with my universities moderately cool and not-so-secret laboratory.

You can imagine how excited I was when I heard that we'd be having a biochemistry lab this semester. The highly anticipated first lab was a bit of a letdown, we pretty much just made some solutions and then put them in bottles that we had to empty out at the end of the lab. 

My bottle hadn't been washed out very well and there were little green pieces floating around in it. Looking to seize the opportunity I tried to convince the lady in charge of the lab that we should continue to grow the mold that was already in my bottle. She seemed unimpressed by my proposal and said no. 

The second lab was a lot more interesting. We put some bacteria into petri dishes and then dropped different antibiotics on them to see how the bacteria would react to them. We also stained some bacteria and then looked at them under a microscope. I somehow managed not to set anything on fire and our bacteria looked pretty cool under the microscope.

Bacillus subtilis

E. Coli

This week we're doing something involving blood so it should be pretty interesting!

Cleaning Is Just Hiding Things In Less Obvious Places

Cleaning is not one of my favorite pastimes. Throughout my life I have employed many tactics in order to avoid having to actually do any cleaning. 

The first option is to cajole some poor unsuspecting soul to do it for you. This tactic is my personal favorite as it requires minimum effort (on my part) and can be highly effective (depending on the person that you've coaxed into helping you). Unfortunately it requires having people around to help you and as I happen to live alone, is not a viable option.

Willful ignorance is another option. This can be fun for the first week or so where you pretend that sidestepping piles of dirty laundry is a great way to get in a quick morning workout. If you can tolerate the inevitable weird smells that come from occasionally forgetting to take out your garbage and rarely washing your dishes than this method is just right for you.

I don't particularly enjoy digging through mountains of questionably clean clothes in order to get dressed in the morning and I only have so many dishes. While this is great for some people, it never quite worked out for me.

My last resort is to simply "pretend" to clean. The trick here is to learn how to hide things in less obvious places so that it appears like you're a functioning adult that knows how to take care of themselves. This involves taking everything that you don't want people to see, and shoving into a closet or under your bed. 

If you want to get really fancy, spray some air freshener around your place so that it smells like a pine forest (or some other extremely natural scent that no one will ever guess came out of a can). If that doesn't impress your friends, I don't know what will!

On an unrelated note, I would advise against opening any cabinets in my apartment. Partly for your own safety and partly because having to explain how you ended up being immobilized under a pile of clothing and other assorted items to an EMT might get a little awkward. 

The Importance Of Labeling

Chili powder is one of my favorite ingredients. I do not like spicy food but for some reason, I have the need to add chili powder to almost everything that I cook.

The other night I finished off the last of my chili powder and decided to use the empty container to store my taco seasoning in. Unfortunately I forgot to relabel the container and ended up sprinkling a generous amount of taco seasoning onto my potatoes this morning.

As I have mentioned in the past, mornings are generally a rough time for me. It takes some time for my brain to wake up causing even the simplest of tasks, to be an uphill battle.

This morning was no different than any other. As soon as a realized my mistake, I began to panic. Despite the early hour, I was fairly certain that taco seasoning had no place being in my breakfast. I spent a goodly amount of time staring at the pan and wondering what I was supposed to do.

Sadly, the potatoes in the pan were the only ones that I had in the apartment and I was pretty set on having potatoes with my breakfast. I cautiously tasted the potatoes and determined that they weren't awful.

Hallelujah, Breakfast could still be saved!

I like both tacos and potatoes. Obviously adding taco-like ingredients to the potatoes could only make them better, right?

Wrong.

At this point there was really no going back and I was hungry. Committed to my cause, I wrapped my mess up in a tortilla and ate it anyways.

It was not delicious.

I'd rate it a solid 6/10, would probably not eat again.

Lightning, Fire, Action!

This weekend the whole mishpucha gathered to celebrate The Crazy Lady's twenty-something-th birthday. We were all very excited to celebrate the special occasion and combined with the crazy weather, things got a little bit out of control.

In typical Polly style, the festivities were heavily focused on food. We kicked off the weekend with a big bagel brunch on Friday morning. After brunch we split up and headed to our respective kitchens where we turned out tray after tray of mouthwatering delicacies. 

Due to the crazy weather we all opted to squish into the Fambily house to avoid having to walk home in the rain. We sat down to dinner accompanied by a symphony of pouring rain and rolling thunder. Throughout the meal we commented on the thunder and occasionally stopped to watch bolts of lightning flash through the sky. 

We were eating our main course when there was a particularly bright bolt of lightning immediately followed by a loud crack of thunder that made the walls shake. Everyone looked around in awe as rain and hail pounded on the windows. I looked out the window and noticed that something looked a little off. Closer inspection revealed that the lightning had struck a nearby palm tree, causing it to go up in flames. 

Everyone panicked and crowded around the window to watch the palm tree blazing in all its glory as the rain and hail whipped around it. A firetruck passed by as fiery chunks of the tree came loose and floated across the street. The firemen didn't seem to find the matter overly pressing and continued down the street to respond to some other call that they had gotten. 

We continued to watch the trees demise as the top of the tree cracked off and tumbled to the ground where it was drenched by the rain and finally went out. The firetruck came back around and stopped by the still smoldering tree. They unpacked their hose and somehow managed to miss the tree on their first try. They made a few more attempts to put out the already extinguished tree before packing up their equipment to head back to the fire station after a job well done.

Lunch was infinitely less exciting than the previous meals spectacular light show, but there was loads of delicious food and birthday festivities to compensate. We napped, played and ate lots of deserts until shabbos came to an end. 

We ended the weekend with a pizza party before saying goodbye to The Freddie's and Nemdy's. 

I think I might be in a pizza coma after volunteering to eat all of the leftover pizza. It was delicious and I have only minor regrets about my selfless decision.

All in all, a typical family get together. 

The Five Stages Of Finals

Finals are a rough time. This is something that I had always been aware of (having watched many of my friends and family grapple with the harsh and unforgiving time) but had never experienced first hand, until recently. 

The last few weeks have taught me that the best way to survive finals is to tackle it in stages. These stages are remarkably similar to the five stages of grief. 

Overly optimistic and wildly unprepared, I approached finals with a big cheery smile and what I hoped was a positive attitude. This was the first stage, denial. 

Denial can affect us each in different ways. For me there was a resounding sense of invincibility. I was positive that I could do anything, that I could not fail. The first test was a breeze, I marked down the answers that I knew and then confidently guessed the rest of them. I was sure that the mere fact that I had marked down a certain answer, would lead to it being right.

We got our grades from the first test back and I was unsure how I felt about it. Next up was psychology, I knew the teacher was a little off but I figured the test couldn't be too bad. Turns out I was way off about the test not being "too bad" the questions were vague and the answers, ambiguous at best.

Upset and frustrated I walked out of that test in a rage. Thus making a seamless segue into the second stage, anger.  The second stage didn't last long as, prior to the next test, I immediately transitioned into the bargaining stage.  

I soon realized that bargaining wasn't really helping matters. Things took a turn for the worst when I noticed that the hose in my shower had a crack in it. The rational part of my brain said "Be a big girl and call your land lord" but the less rational and over stressed part of my brain reasoned that no showering = less time to get ready in the morning = more time for sleeping.

The sudden turn of events, combined with the sheer exhaustion and an overpowering sense of doom, nudged me into the fourth stage. Nothing really mattered anymore so why bother studying or showering. I could fail my tests smelling like a hobo just as well as I would being clean and well dressed. 

Almost as if to fit my mood, there was a drastic change in weather. The temperature dropped and big gloomy rain clouds rolled in to drench the city in icy rains. I sought refuge from the rains in my apartment. I spent a good couple of hours glaring at my notes with as much contempt as I could muster.

I had given up on passing my finals but I hadn't given up on everything. I knew I had eaten far too many cookies and that I couldn't avoid going to the gym forever. I walked into the gym and saw that it was pretty full. As I was standing in the middle of the big room I noticed some people giving me funny looks. 

One guy was making this weird gesture towards my legs. I had on a relatively new pair of leggings and wondered how he had known. The weird gestures continued and I looked down to discover that my leggings were on inside out. 

Trying to keep my cool I nonchalantly nodded and said "They're supposed to be like that, it's called fashion...". For a second there I thought he might have bought it but then he pointed to the not so conspicuous tags on display and then went back to working out. 

Standing in the middle of the gym with my leggings on inside out, I decided that it was time to make a change. After slipping into the bathroom for a minute to fix the leggings situation and working out I headed home to call my landlord about the shower situation. 

Unfortunately, my landlord had a slipped disk and was unable to come fix the shower but I did take advantage of the country clubs free water and showered there. 

Acceptance, who knows? All I know is that no matter how hopeless and despairing finals may seem, you have to remember that there is always moed bet.

I still have one last test left and I'm really not sure how that's gonna go but I'm hoping for the best. It would probably go better if I stopped procrastinating and actually studied but that's not really my style.... 

To Don't List

Today, I had plans. My plans did not go exactly the way I thought they would.

Last night I made a "To Do List" because my unsurpassable procrastination skills have been making it exceedingly difficult to focus on studying for my exams. 

I started it off with some easy tasks to get the ball rolling because mornings are hard and to be completely honest, I'm not very good at them.

Here's a look at my super exciting To Do List that I wrote sometime very late last night when I was feeling exceptionally ambitious.

Just in case it's hard to read....

Things You Should Probably Do:

• Get out of bed 
• food
• Gym
• More food
• Shower!!!
• Chemistry
• More chemistry
• Food 
• even more chemistry
• (study w/ people?)
• Dinner
• CHEMISTRY (no TV)
• k fine, TV
• food/Sleep? (you'll figure it out)

Not too crazy and definitely some attainable goals. 

I woke up to the patronizing sound of my alarm clock, immediately hit snooze and did my best to fall back asleep. 

Remember when I said that I wasn't great at mornings? Well, some time between hitting snooze and trying to fall back asleep I lost my phone amidst my warm and cozy blankets. 

The alarm rang again and I reached over to snooze it only to discover that I had no clue where the phone had gone. I frantically began to search for it as the volume increased, alerting everyone in the neighborhood to the fact that I had failed at the first task on my list.

Pillows and blankets went flying as I continued the search for my phone. I got out of bed and desperately started to shake out my blankets. My phone landed on the rug just as the alarm stopped ringing. I quickly shut off the alarm and then begrudgingly checked off the fist thing on my list.

Not in the best of moods but most certainly out of bed, I grabbed a granola bar and headed for the gym. 

My workout was pretty uneventful but on the way home I saw my landlord who informed me that she was on her way to find some kumquats so that she could make kumquat jam. According to her, kumquat jam is delicious and I really should try it some time. I promised that I would try and taste some jam and then wished her much luck on her quest for kumquats. 

Feeling pumped up from the gym and my exhilarating conversation about kumquats, I decided that I was ready to do something. I took a look at my list and was delighted to discover that the next task included food. 

I ate, showered, did laundry, painted my nails, ate some more and then remembered that I was supposed to be studying chemistry. 

There were some pitiful attempts to study and when I'd had quite enough of that, I decided that it was time for dinner.

I stuck my dinner into the toaster oven and while I was waiting for it to be ready, I figured I'd make a salad. I went to the fridge to get the lettuce where I noticed a box of cream sitting on the top shelf. There was a moment of internal debate as I reasoned that eating something covered in cream was ultimately healthier than eating salad. 

My mind made up I put water up to boil so that I could make rice pasta. While I was waiting for the water to boil I found a bar of chocolate that I had procured from The Freddie's on my last visit there. 

A few minutes later I sat down at the table with a mug of hot chocolate, picked up my fork and then realized that something wasn't right. 

The smell of slightly overcooked fish hung in the air as the timer on the toaster oven went "ding!".  I rescued the fish which as you may have guessed, was a tad "well done" but edible nonetheless. 

I finished my dinner and took a look at my list. I'm pleased to note that I was able to check off a lot of the things on my list. Most of which involved food and had little to do with studying.

Regardless, I will consider this a small victory on my journey to learning how to check things off of lists.

The Hound And Her Decidedly Useless Sidekick

Finals are upon us.

As we have established in many of my earlier posts, I am not a huge fan studying. I am however, a fan of procrastination.

The other day I had my very first final as a university student. To say that it was an "experience" would be putting it mildly.

We were warned that the whole procedure would be a rather professional affair and were instructed to act accordingly.

Mostly we were reminded countless times not to forget our identification cards and to bring a black or blue pen. We were also told that under no circumstances were you to rip, crumple or in any way damage the answer sheet lest your page become unreadable to the computer.

All these things in mind, we were a frenzied and anxious bunch as we waited for the proctors to come tell us where to sit and what to do.

The proctors hurried in a few minutes before the exam was scheduled to start and started to sort things out. One of them (we'll call her The Hound) began to bark out orders telling us which rows and seats to sit in and to come sign up after finding a suitable seat. The other one (The Hound's seemingly carefree sidekick) seemed nonplussed by the frantic students around her as they fought over seats and trampled each other in order to reach the front of the room to sign up for the exam.

It took some time but we all managed to make it to the front of the room to receive an answer sheet in return for our signatures. After we had all returned to our seats, The Hound called for silence and announced that the rules for this test were the same as the rules for every other test.

Panicked faces stared back at her. "But its our first test!" one student cried "How do I make X's in the boxes?!" shouted another "What if I have to pee?" exclaimed a third. The Hound was unamused  by the sudden outbursts. She attempted to explain that we should mark the boxes off the way that the way that it was very clearly shown on the answer sheet.

As a group of highly educated individuals, we naturally had a very hard time grasping this concept. The Hound let out a low growl and then declared that since we were having so much trouble, they would quietly come explain it to us one by one while the others got started on the exam which was now about half an hour behind schedule.

We nodded in agreement as The Hound and her sidekick went to the back row and began the tedious process of showing us how to properly mark off our papers. After a couple of minutes of awkward silence The Hound looked up and noticed that none of us had received the actual exam and thus were unable to begin.

The Hound looked around the room for her sidekick "Where are the exams?" she growled at her ever so cheerful counterpart, "I don't know." she shrugged back. The Hound glowered at her for a moment before stomping down the stairs to the front of the room to retrieve the tests from the desk.

She tore open the package and began slamming the exams down in front of the slightly terrified students. Finally grasping the situation, her sidekick arrived to help give out the exams. Once we had all received our exams we were once again told to begin and they went back to showing people how to make X's in boxes.

It was quiet for a while aside of The Hounds stomping up and down the stairs as she had to get new answer sheets for the people that somehow managed to mess up their papers. I began my exam and was surprised to discover that I actually recognized a lot of the words on the test. Having had enough of the insanity, I quickly circled my answers and marked them down using the instructions on the answer sheet.

Halfway through marking down my answers I heard the laboured breathing of The Hound as a drop of sweat rolled off her forehead and onto the desk, narrowly avoiding my page. I looked up into her face unsure of what to expect and was met with an extremely strained smile. I showed her my paper and asked if it was filled in alright.

She glanced at my paper and hurriedly reached for her glasses (which were actually already on her face) and accidentally sent them flying across the floor. She scurried after them, picked them up, shoved them back on her face and resumed squinting and sweating over my paper. There were a few moments of panic as I hoped the sweat wouldn't land on my paper before she let out a sigh of relief and congratulated me on not messing up before moving to the next person.

Feeling rather pleased with myself I confidently guessed the answers that I didn't know and handed my test in.

Things Get Heated

Finals are creeping up and I think the stress is starting to get to us.

Today in chemistry the teacher almost had a mental breakdown as she was desperately trying to explain a simple concept to her very frustrated and confused students.

The classroom was arguably warm. "Do you guys feel that? It's hot in here right?" the teacher asked before attempting to turn off the heat only to discover that it was out of her control. "How do I turn it off? What do I do? Why are you just sitting there?". She stood at the front of the room waving her arms and looking at us with wild eyes "SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING!" she pleaded.

After the initial shock wore off someone explained to her that there was no thermostat in the room and in order to change or turn off the heat, you had to call the number on the door. Someone stepped outside to call the number while another student opened the windows. Things settled down and the teacher resumed berating us with unfamiliar material that she had made a futile attempt to teach us last week.

Her belligerent badgering was of no avail. She could not succeed where so many other lecturers had failed. It was seventy tired and stressed students against one overheated professor (whom I suspect has a "bun in the oven"). The rest of the class went pretty much as expected. We understand chemistry as well as we understand all the rest of our classes. Which is, not at all.

Sometimes I wonder how a group of seemingly intelligent people can be so hopelessly incapable of understanding what should be simple concepts. It's like we know they're trying to communicate with us but we just don't know what they're saying.

Your future nurses, ladies and gentlemen.

Don't panic.

We know what we're doing.

Fridge Roulette

This past week we played another enthralling round of "Oregano or Mold?" featuring a rather old jar of tomato sauce. The game is quite simple and infinitely more exciting than studying for finals.

Here's a quick rundown of how it goes:
1. Find a particularly old jar of tomato sauce in your fridge. 

2. Open said jar and wonder how long its been open and why you haven't gotten around to eating it. 

3. Realize that you wrote the date that it was opened on the lid and feel slightly disgusted.

4. Decide in all of your infinite wisdom that despite the ambiguous looking green fluff on the side, you should definitely eat it.

5. Taste the sauce and confirm your earlier suspicion that there was a 98% chance that the green stuff was mold and not oregano.

6. Head over to your garbage and dispose of the moldy sauce (which honestly, you should have done weeks ago or at least once you realized that it had been open for over two months....)

And that concludes last weeks round of "Oregano or Mold?".

The great thing about this game is that you can easily replace "Oregano" with a variety of other things that you probably have in your fridge.

Another great thing about this game is that at the very least, you may end up cleaning out your refrigerator.

In any event, its a great way to avoid studying so naturally I'm a fan.

The Snowpocalypse: A Brief And Fleeting Tale Of The Storm That Wasn't.

A few weeks ago meteorologists began to talk of a massive storm that was supposedly going to hit the country.

As the days went by the weather reports became drearier as there were promises of sharp winds and below freezing temperatures, all of which pointed towards a heavily anticipated snowpcoalypse. In wake of last year's snowy disaster (which left many of its citizens shivering in the cold with no electricity), the country vowed to do everything in its power to be prepared for the oncoming weather.

Emotions ran high as the citizens of the country alternated between mass hysteria and unbridled excitement. As the temperature began to drop they ransacked the stores as they scoured every last corner for groceries, batteries, mittens, hats and anything else that they felt they might need. Lest they be trapped unprepared for the upcoming storm.

Tuesday morning was grey and dreary. I battled my way up the mountains against the winds and arrived at school looking rather wind blown. The winds only continued to to grow stronger as a dark fog rolled in. In wake of the impending storm I began to receive notifications about canceled classes.

Not wanting to potentially get caught alone in my apartment with no electricity I decided that the time had come to make a run for it. I made my way down the mountain and back to my apartment to pack up whatever I might need for the next couple of days. Plenty of extra socks, leggings and underwear went into my bag and I put on so many layers that it was a little hard to move.

On my way to the bus stop I saw a tree half uprooted from the winds and determined that running away was probably the best course of action. I got to the bus stop and got on a bus heading towards Jerusalem where I sought refuge at my friend's apartment.

Em's apartment was warm and cozy. We ate dinner and then went out on a little adventure to stock up on extra food for just in case. The supermarket was a madhouse with people rushing in and out grabbing what they could. We got some milk and eggs (which the store was surprisingly not sold out of) and then headed back to the warm and safe confines of Em's apartment for a good nights sleep.

Wednesday morning was cold and rainy but there was still no sign of snow. I put up a pot of soup as others came to seek shelter from the icy rain and winds. We spent most of the day watching movies, pretending to study and taking turns sticking our heads out the window to check for the highly anticipated snow.

Finally in the late afternoon the rain turned to an icy slush and then to flutters of snowflakes. We sat near the windows cheering it on and hoping that it would stick.

A few hours later, it looked like some of the snow had stuck around so we layered up and headed outside to see what we could find.

There was a lot of rain mixed in with the snow so it didn't really stick. We made the best of it and scraped the snow off of cars and benches to dump armfuls of snow on each other and pelt each other with snowballs.

After we were sufficiently soaked and frozen through and through we headed back inside to have a nice warm dinner. A few other people showed up and we had an impromptu snow dinner party. By the time we were done with dinner the rain had washed most of the snow away. We headed to bed with our fingers crossed hoping to wake up to snow covered rooftops.

Our prayers went unanswered and we woke up to piles of slush and a steady rain. The peak of the storm had passed and left us feeling slightly cheated. We hung out for a while before everyone decided that it had come time to part ways.

I packed up my stuff and caught a bus home to The Sun House where I had a very quiet shabbos.