Saturday, May 3, 2014

Attack Of The Giant Mutant Flies

Earlier this afternoon I went to pee and noticed a loud buzzing noise emanating from an unknown source in my bathroom. Last summer my neighbors insisted on saving hundreds of (mostly empty) soda cans and beer bottles in a rather unsightly mountain on the side of their porch, conveniently located right next to my bathroom window. This disconcerting habit of theirs gained the attraction of the local bees who decided that the next obvious step was to build a hive next to the soda can mountain (and right outside my window).

Unfortunately for me, my window didn't actually have a screen in it and my new neighbors were overeager to introduce themselves. My fear of bees did nothing to help the situation and eventually The Crazy Lady had to macGyver a screen out of a pop-up laundry basket and a piece of screen that she found somewhere or another. The new screen worked its magic and the bees were wise enough to leave me alone. I enjoyed the bliss and quiet of a bee free bathroom and in time, I forgot about the trauma that they had caused me. That is, until earlier this afternoon....

I began to panic as a dark figure sped past me and into the shower. I weighed my options and decided that it seemed like the sort of thing that I should most definitely let someone else take care of. With my mind made up, I fled to the safety of the dining room where I was promptly distracted by a bar of exceptionally tasty chocolate.

The rest of the afternoon sped by and I forgot about my little predicament until the inevitable happened and I once again went to pee. Upon entering the bathroom I was dive bombed by a bee but noticed that they looked a little off. I didn't stay long enough to investigate but instead called in some reinforcements. The Crazy Lady was first to answer my cries for help and came up the stairs wielding a dish towel. We heard some buzzing near the light fixture and The Crazy Lady tried to get the bee while I sought refuge downstairs.

After a few quick whips with the towel the buzzing stopped and The Crazy Lady informed me that the "bees" were actually just giant flies. She then steeled herself before locking herself in the bathroom with the remaining flies. I watched from the window as her dish towel spun heroically in the air while her foes fell at her feet. She fixed my "screen" before victoriously emerging from the battlefield.

I decided that the time had come to clean my bathroom and got to work immediately. I was spraying the counter with anti calc when I was dive bombed by the biggest fly that I have ever seen. I tried to swat at it with a towel but it simply crawled into the light fixture and continued to taunt me. The Crazy Lady once again came to my rescue and slayed the giant beast. I resumed my cleaning while my mother watched from the hall.

I can't help but wonder if this was just some sort of an elaborate plan to get me to clean my bathroom, perhaps she was in cahoots with the mutant beasts all along....

No comments:

Post a Comment