Monday, April 21, 2014

The Case Of The Missing Matzah

On Saturday night the worlds biggest matzah was looking a bit sparse.

I arrived at work at precisely 9am Sunday morning and noted that the meager remnants of the worlds biggest matzah were still standing proudly in their display case. I carefully picked my way through the matzah crumbs and tattered bits of saran wrap that people had ripped off of the display case (in order to get to the matzah) and entered the store.

The morning got off to a slow start which was just as well since I was the only one in the store. I spent about forty minutes folding and unfolding shirts in an effort to pass the time. When that got boring (as it inevitably does) I pretended that one of the 13XL shirts was a ball of pizza dough and flung it up into the air in an effort to perfect my pizza making skills. Five minutes and several "pies" later I was joined in the store by one of my coworkers (the one who has an affinity for screeching at bugs and an aversion to any sort of manual labor) and a rather unamused looking manager who pointedly reminded me about the cameras in the store and that the clothing was for selling and not playing with.

I promised not to trow any more shirts at the ceiling and the manager teetered back to her office leaving me with my delightful coworker for company. I resumed my shirt folding duties while my coworker sat on the black leather stool that we're not really supposed to sit on and regaled me with tales of her pesach misadventures. Apparently she had been awake for three days straight and hadn't bothered eating anything since the day before which in my humble opinion, seems like a pretty dumb thing to do. 

After listening to her complain about how hungry she was for a solid ten minutes, I figured I ought to do something about it. Since I didn't have the authority to fire her and I wasn't about to share my snacks, I seemed to be out of luck.  Just as I was about to give hope, a rouge piece of saran wrap floated across the floor like some sort of divine sign and came to a rest near my feet. "The giant matzah!" I exclaimed to my somewhat disconcerted coworker who seemed perturbed that I had interrupted her riveting tales. I ran outside to grab some of the matzah and was dismayed to discover that in the hour since I had last seen it, it had completely and utterly disappeared. Not just the matzah itself but the display case, crumbs and bits of saran wrap too. As if it had never even been there.

My coworker didn't seem overly upset about the disappearance as she had been less than enthusiastic about eating matzah that had been standing in a display case for a little over a week with nothing more than saran wrap to protect it from "hundreds of grubby little hands".  About an hour later she went home seemingly unable to cope with her unrelenting hunger pains and sheer exhaustion. 

The rest of my shift passed by uneventfully and I was more than happy when it came to an end.
I never did figure out where the matzah went but I hope its in a better place now.
I wonder if they'll make worlds biggest cheesecake for shavous... 
We'll just have to wait and see.  

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